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Rogerflat · Silver Status Member

So a buddy of mine has some issues. Granted, he's taking college courses right not and pursuing a degree, but he's in his mid 20s and he and his gf live with his parents, and his parents have a new born baby. And they hate living there.

Well long story longer, this guy hasn't had a job in forever. He pops pills, used to smoke pot and drink heavily, but he's at least toned that down now. However, he came over yesterday after I got off work and was sitting there drinking some beers. Then he remarked at how bored he was. He's not even taking ANY school classes now so he has literally nothing to do all day long. Neutral

He's a genuine guy and a good friend, but I just don't get it. I offered to get a place with him if he could just pay a third of the bills, but he said his gf just wants to live alone with him. Yet they continue to live with his parents which they hate. Him and his gf are one of those co-dependent couples and they drag each other down and just bicker a lot, to no end.

He has no car and is heavily in debt, which is how he buys his beer and food. Even if he got a part time job, he could at least keep his head above water, and occupy his time better. All he does is talk about how he's "going to" start looking for a job soon, but never does. He can't even blame it on the economy because he has admittidly never even tried to find a job. And everyone else has tried the "you need to find a job" line on him, so I don't even bother with it. In one ear and out the other.

Anyone know people like this? Any suggestions?

BBGun Bob · Veteran Member

Shoot his lazy azz and put an end to his misery!!

BBGun Bob

Rogerflat · Silver Status Member

You can't shoot friends. Only wives.

BBGun Bob · Veteran Member

AaHhh Sh%@t I forgot the Golden Rule Roger LOL

BBGun Bob
Its hell getting old!!
Smiley War

broommaster2000 · Moderator

Smack him back to reality?

I got a friend with something like that. He started a course 4 years ago, but he quit, so he started a new one, and he failed the first year so he tried again, and he failed again this year. And now he ran out of his study-funding, so he's got a big problem. Neutral

The thing is, that we all saw this coming, warned him several times. Meh, just really Meh.

Rogerflat · Silver Status Member

The one thing he's got going for him is he's doing pretty good in school, thus far. And he's planning on going into the medical services field in some very specific program. But that is all years away, and he'll be 30 by then.

He said to me once, "Hey, as long as I'm taking care of my school and my bills are paid, that's all I care about." But how are his bills even being paid?! By racking up more credit card debt? Even by his own words he is fails.

I think that maybe the pills and stuff have gotten to him and he is just unable to accept and deal with reality. Sure, this glimmer of hope in the distant future of potential career is the light at the end of the tunnel, but its a matter of what price he has to pay to get there...and IF he even gets there in the first place.

Griff1950 · Member

Roger, sounds to me as tho your friend is suffering from depression. And, yeah, the solution to this is more pills. However, exercise also helps. If you run, jog, play tennis or whatever for exercise, try to get your friend to come along. Exercise releases endorphins, which are the natural "feel-good" drug. Your friend will have more energy and more get-up-and-go.

sniper · Silver Status Member

make him clean up after your roommate. Laughing

AirGunEric · Site Admin

I'm not sure what getting some college courses but not pursuing a degree has to do with the issue- ?

Your buddy just isn't motivated, period. Maybe the beer and pot got him there. Moving in with you probably sounds like too much work for him. The vast majority of people get comfortable doing what they're doing- whether they like it or not- and don't really want "change" unless it's handed to them on a silver platter.

One day he might motivate himself. Depends on the specific individual as to what might force this...

TONBON · Veteran Member

i have a freind..
for years he had no job, lived at home, no prospects.
dealt w/ drugs to fund partying. at one point his parents blamed me.
until i told them about my job and some of his other freinds.
i remained his freind thru his f-ups, despite the scorn of some of my freinds.
now he's not totally leagal, but he's got a good job(totaly above board) w/ good insurance for his wife and 2 kids. he is one of the happiest fathers i have ever seen. i'm still trying to get him to clean up some areas of his life. but he is doing well.
if you can be a freind and moraly and emotionaly support him. great.
that's why you're freinds.
offering to pay a grown mans bills is a no no.
he need's a wake up call Evil Plot

billandbeaufort · Senior Member

fritz · Silver Status Member

Maybe because he's such a nice guy?

I mean... wow... he hangs out with a bunch of addicts on the internet, probably takes over 100 lead pills a day, and shoots everything that comes into range.

broommaster2000 · Moderator

Depression sounds applicable in this case. When something eats you from inside, other stuff becomes a lot harder to do.

Rogerflat · Silver Status Member

Thanks guys. He came over again last night and popped a methadone pill, against my advice, and proceeded to fall asleep sitting upright. Shocked

My roommate, who has a lot of money, actually pays him and his gf to clean our house from time to time. The place gets clean, they get some extra cash, everyone benefits. He and his gf have also been hiking a lot too, so I know he's getting his endorfin' realease Griff1950, lol.

He also told me he has put in some apps at some retail stores, so hopefully he is going in the right direction now. He's a good friend and I wouldn't ever write him off completely, but it is difficult sometimes.

Rogerflat · Silver Status Member

Well, bad news guys. That methadone pill I advised my dear friend Sean not to take on Tuesday...ended up killing him in his sleep the next morning. No one expected him to ever die from his drug addiction, but we weren't exactly surprised by it. Everyone, including myself, was completely devastated though. Seeing his 60 y/o mother going through this has been unbelievably horrible, not that my own anguish was a pleasant experience.

Thing is, you never know if the person is just screwing up in life, or if their life is truly at risk. My concern for Sean led me to start this thread, and sadly, his life ended before I could ever do anything to help him. I just hope that anyone who reads this will appreciate their friends and family a little more the next time they see them. Because I had to watch so many people lose a son, brother, and friend in the last two days, and it is a truly awful experience.

Live your life to the fullest, love those you are with, and RIP Sean.